"jack bauer once shot himself ten times, just to prove that 50 cent is a bitch."
"9/11 only happened because Jack Bauer was on vactation. He'll never go on vacation again."
"Kryptonite is not really from Krypton. It is made from Jack Bauer's crap, that is why it can kill Superman."
"Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars."
"The Boogieman checks his closet for Jack Bauer."
"Jack Bauer doesn't read a book. He tortures it until he has all the information he needs."
"Jack Bauer's cell phone never runs out of battery because the cell phone doesnt want to be mistaken for helping the terrorist."
"Jack Bauer doesn't follow protocol. Protocol follows Jack Bauer."
