Ari Gold: This is not a drill. This is not an emergency!
Lloyd: Well, who's going to man the phones?
Ari Gold: Fuck the phones, Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency titty fuck, don't answer!
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Barbara Miller: Ari, you have no money, and I have too much.
Ari Gold: So what do you want?
Barbara Miller: To fuck...kidding. I want 60% and my name on top.
Ari Gold: I'd rather fuck.
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Ari Gold: I always knew that you like dick, Babs. I just didn't know you were a cocksucker.
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Mrs. Gold: I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can't even have that.
Ari Gold: You could have it if you want to live in Augorra fucking Hills, and go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership, and you want 9 weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, than I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking wednesday.
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Ari Gold: People, staff meeting has been cancelled. You all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. Any job! I don't care if it's a porn shoot in which he is being gang raped by a gaggle of silverback apes, if there are cameras rolling, everybody wins. 10 grand for anyone that can deliver this to me, today.
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Ari Gold: I didn't go to the Lakers game because they were playing the fucking Bobcats; And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate, how to answer a question without a question, basic Humanity 101, which I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix, or if you couldn't, you could give her a pill that would either fix it or make her a mute. But now, to turn around and gang up on me? I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with, and just so we're clear, I don't care about ANY OF THEM. They’re ALL just a number, like Wife #1 and Therapist #7. GOOD DAY!
