"I don't like to complain about free food but this hotdog tastes like...zoo."
"I still can't believe you didn't call me when you were playing paintball. It combines two of my favorite things. Toy guns and paint...Wait, three things. I also like balls. Balls of paint! I like balls of paint."
"He's not just drunk, he's Uncle Roger drunk."
"I bet he's had twenty beers today. That's how many I had when I tried to plug the television into that dog."
"That poor little monkey. He just wanted to phone home." (bkz: e.t)
"I don't think that would work. If you cut me in half I wouldn't fight with my legs. I'd try to work with them to get us to a hospital."
--Thinking cutting an earthworm in half to make him fight himself might not be such a good idea--
